Reflections

It’s that time of year when we all start reflecting, isn’t it? Thinking about all the things we could’ve done, should’ve done, or wish we had done differently. That’s definitely where I am right now, which is probably why I’m here. I don’t have a set schedule for writing on this blog—it’s more of a "when I feel like it" or "when Jesus says yes" kind of vibe around here. Sometimes, I just need to get my thoughts out, especially when I’m not in the mood to be shepherded, call my friends, or talk to my family face-to-face. So, hey, here we are! If you’re still reading, I guess that means you care a little, huh?

This year has brought so many moments that made me question everything—myself, the world around me, and the people in it. I feel like I’m standing at this strange crossroads (is it too soon for a midlife crisis?), unsure which way to go. It’s like I’m supposed to head in one direction, but I’m stuck. I’ve felt God pulling me in a certain way, and even lining things up to show me that He was right there with me but I still didn’t fully move. I can say that I took the first step, but when it didn't work — I stepped back to where I was comfortable.

Clearly, I misunderstood the assignment because here I am, right back where I started, operating from a place of fear. Fear of the unknown. Fear of disappointing or hurting (more) people I care about. Fear of what might happen if I take another step forward. Fear that maybe I’m not good enough, or worthy enough, and that’s why things didn’t work out. Just fear, plain and simple.

As I’m sitting here writing and reflecting on this year, this month, and even this moment, I can’t help but think about something (it's storytime, y’all—buckle up). Back in April, I went to a Women’s Retreat hosted by Brilliance Emerge (big shoutout to Faith Brandon and her team!). The theme was Bravery, and one of the guest speakers walked us through this exercise where we made a Bravery Board. It was such a spiritual moment for me—one I’ll probably carry with me forever.

But let me tell you, at first, I was awkward as hell. I didn’t know where to sit, so I just plopped down somewhere with a group of women I didn’t even know. I had my 11x17 cardstock and a pile of random magazines, but no idea what I was even supposed to do with it all. Then this one magazine caught my eye (I’m all about pretty designs and home decor, so of course, that’s the one I grabbed). That’s where it all started.

Next thing I know, I'm flipping through this magazine with beautiful images but all these words popping off the pages. I'm cutting them all out, and strategically placing them on the paper. I'm just quietly in my corner, listening to table chat, when this specific part of the song "Most Beautiful/So In Love" by Maverick City Music comes to my head. I start humming, then singing it: "...dwell, dwell, dwell here forever". Ya'll, why I turn another page and it said "dwell" on it? I said BRUH & closed the magazine, just for the whole magazine to be called DWELL. Did I know that? No. I just googled the magazine for the first time, and it's a design & technology brand that just happens to have a magazine. Mind blown, and spirit shook, once again, I'm sitting here like "GOD IS THAT YOU?!"

My Bravery Board from April 2024.

The day after I got back from that retreat, I purchased the domain for this website.

April | May | June | July | August | September | October | November | December

9 months a coincidence? Yeah, aight.

I think I'm reminded of this experience today for these lessons to share, friends:

1. God is in the awkward moments and stages - They have a purpose too.

2. Good things take time, and in due time - something beautiful is birthed.

3. Birthing comes with pains and pressure, but let them contribute, not take away from the beauty.

4. Do the hard things - It's worth it to see what happens on the other side of faith.

That's all I have for now. Now go be brave somewhere. Not in these streets though, it's snowing & icy outside!

Sincerely,

Cece